In this post, you will:
Learn how to use questions to create a connection.
Learn how to move beyond small talk.
Learn how to create your own questions.
In the previous post, we looked at the essentials of communication which started with seeking to understand rather than to be understood. We also looked at practical ways in which you can do so by suspending all judgment, being curious for the sake of being curious, and waiting before giving advice.
In this post, we will look at how asking good questions can help us move past the act of simply exchanging information to deeper connections and effective communication.
We will look at examples of some good questions and practical ways to formulate good questions. We have all experienced the scenario where you meet a new person and one of the first questions that usually pop into our heads is “Where are you from?”, or “What do you do?”. All of which then leads us down a path of small talk which often ends up with a statement about the strange weather we have been experiencing. In her book Captivate, Vanessa Van Edwards states that most of our conversations are forgettable because we are not stimulated. When participating in small talk, our energy remains unchanged.
Moving beyond small talk can help us make our conversations more memorable and our connections more meaningful.
Moving beyond small talk, however, takes effort, and as stated in our previous post it will take curiosity. We will need to abandon the social script we have been following for most of our lives and engage creativity in formulating good questions that move beyond single-word answers and one-liners. You may ask why questions are so very important to forming meaningful connections. In response, I would like to invite you to think of times during a conversation where the person asked you questions about yourself and then about a conversation where the person didn’t ask you questions. Which conversation did you favour? Which conversation made you feel more appreciated?
Examples of good questions.
Where did you win today?
What interesting books have you read lately?
What has God been highlighting to you this year?
What has challenged you this week?
Where have you been surprised lately?
Practical ways you can start becoming someone who makes meaningful connections through questions.
Start by first being genuine in finding out more about the person in front of you. Second, simply ask questions, and try different ones – be adventurous and make meaningful connections. If you are unsure of where to start, use some of the examples mentioned above, and once comfortable, move beyond them and formulate your own.
A helpful tip: Think of follow-up questions to the everyday questions we usually ask. If you asked, ‘Where are you from?’ maybe follow that up with ‘What is your favorite aspect of where you live?’ You may also consider making a list of unique questions that can create a spark in your next conversation.
Coach U:
In your conversations this week:
· Ask every person “Where did you win today?’
· Choose two questions from our examples above and ask two more questions than you normally would in your conversations.
· Make a list of questions you would like to answer about yourself and ask them to someone.
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© 2023 Ivan Venter, All Rights Reserved.
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