In this post, you will learn:
What is active listening.
Practical techniques to practice active listening.
Coach U tips to implement active listening.
In our communication essentials series, we have covered starting from a place of seeking to understand then we looked at making connections, and internal communication which forms the basis for external communication. This week we will look at active listening. When we consider active listening, we tend to underestimate the power of engaging through the focus, attention and value that we bestow on the person that we are communicating with.
All of us have experienced the demeaning effects of someone interrupting what we are saying because they assume they know what we are talking about. Or the negative effects of people interrupting what is being said only to start with their own story or point that they want to make. Apart from experiencing the negative effects of these bad communication habits, all of us have been guilty of these behaviours ourselves. This blog post will give practical tips to increase our effectiveness in listening and, in the process, increase our effectiveness to communicate.
Four techniques to become active listeners.
Acknowledge the value of those you talk to.
The first step is to acknowledge the value of those you are talking to. Imagine for a moment you are speaking to a celebrity or someone you look up to. You would most probably give them as much attention and focus that you can. Why? Because of their perceived value. We normally assign value in accordance with the perceived value that those we talk to might add to you, and not the value we could add to them. I am proposing that we turn the tables and intentionally assign value to others based on the value that we can add to those we communicate with.
Secondly, I propose that we assign value based on the value that God assigns to people. When we keep in mind that Jesus died and rose for those, we communicate with it changes the dynamic of our interaction.
Listen with the other person in mind.
The second technique is to listen with the other person in mind. Closely linked to our first tip about value this technique focuses on bringing down our self-centeredness and increases our focus on the other person. Please don’t misunderstand me, you are also important in the conversation and the benefit of the interaction should be mutual. Our natural predisposition, however, is geared to be self-centred and not others focused.
Summarize
Our third technique is to summarize what you hear. This lets the person you are interacting with know if you are on the same page. Summarizing is the technique of briefly summarizing what you have heard in your own words. A lot of misunderstandings that happen is because we assume that we have heard the speaker correctly. Summarizing gives you the opportunity to reflect what you have heard to bring greater clarity to your interaction. The other added benefit is that to accurately summarize you have to listen carefully, fully be present in the conversation and adds value to the speaker.
Clarifying questions
The fourth and final technique for this post on active listening is clarifying questions. This powerful technique uses the art of good open questions to bring depth and clarity to conversations. You will notice that many of our tips minimizes the effects of assumptions in communication. The more clarity we can bring without unnecessary assumptions will result in more meaningful interactions with people.
Coach U
To put the above into practice, I want to challenge you to practice these techniques on friends and family members. The key is to practice every moment you get. These techniques are not something that you will learn by reading about them, you have to practice them to grow in your competency. Take one technique per day, adding, not replacing one technique for another each day. Lastly have fun with these techniques they are transformative and will lead to discovery within every interaction.
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© 2023 Ivan Venter, All Rights Reserved.
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